Wash Your Bark Out with Soap

14 Jun

Friends of mine just got a brand new puppy! He’s a jack russel-yorkie mix, and he is the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen. But of course, he’s just a puppy, so he’s going to get into a bit of trouble … nothing some training can’t fix.

I was filling Joe in on the training process the proud new owners were going through, when he cut me off.

“You know what always worked for me when I was a kid?”

“Huh?”

“You know, when I did something bad,” he continued. “My mom would wash my mouth out with soap. God I hated that; it was awful! But you know what, I never did it again.”

“Ummm okay, Joe. But you’re not a fucking dog.”

“That doesn’t matter! I bet it’d work the same way … you know what, this is a great idea!

“I’ll make two types of doggie ‘treats.’ One you give your dog when he does something good. Like if you say ‘SIT’ and he sits, well then he gets a delicious treat. But if he does something bad, like pee on the rug, he gets a soap treat. And after a few soap treats, I guarantee he’ll never do that again. Wow, this will be so easy to produce! I could have this on the shelf of Petco in a month.”

Anddddd cue the animal rights activists. Sorry, Joe, this one will never happen.

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22 Responses to “Wash Your Bark Out with Soap”

  1. dontsumi June 14, 2012 at 11:22 AM #

    Dog eats poop, give it a soap treat. I don’t know, that sounds like it might work on a different level.

  2. MissFourEyes June 14, 2012 at 11:42 AM #

    I’m pretty sure my dog would eat the soap treat like it was the delicious treat. Then he’d probably do the bad thing for another yummy soap treat

  3. facelikeafryingpan June 14, 2012 at 12:26 PM #

    hahaha…this reminds me of the guy on Modern Family that was trying to sell Jay on his idea for great-tasting dog treats (the reward) and less-great-tasting dog treats (the punishment). I love your blog.

  4. Mrs. P June 14, 2012 at 12:30 PM #

    This idea will only result in a dog pooping soap into the rug which actually might make the rug easier to clean…woah. Joe, you’ve done it again!!

  5. woomerhasit June 14, 2012 at 12:50 PM #

    first time i’ve read your blog but that’s too funny! and i thought i knew some fucking idiots. lmao!

  6. twindaddy June 14, 2012 at 12:50 PM #

    Joe is a fucking genius.

  7. Lisa June 14, 2012 at 1:04 PM #

    I’d buy a soap treat for my dog. :) Your blog is hilarious!

  8. Steve June 14, 2012 at 1:41 PM #

    JSI ( Joe’s Shitty Ideas) Umm you might just get a little credit for this one. I mean you did mention “Training” Which got Joe going. Just saying, that’s all. :D

  9. podnumber2 June 14, 2012 at 1:49 PM #

    You’re funny. Thanks for visiting my blog.

  10. mary i June 14, 2012 at 2:58 PM #

    I so love the concept!!! Like Ms Four eyes my dog mine would eat the soap treat… (excuse mispelings)

  11. judysp June 14, 2012 at 8:04 PM #

    I love your blog it’s awesome. I also love the name- very original and cute.
    I am a follower of yours now and look forward to your next post.
    cheers Judy:)

  12. clyde June 14, 2012 at 8:22 PM #

    Just got turned on to your blog by a friend. Good shit. Here’s a Joe-approved idea: Give the dog a soap treat,a big drink of water,and watch him blow bubbles out of his ass when he farts. Excellent dinner party entertainment,you think??

  13. What I Desired To Say June 14, 2012 at 11:40 PM #

    I have nominated you for the ‘One Lovely Blog’ award. http://whatidesiredtosay.wordpress.com/2012/06/14/awarded/

    • Joe's Shitty Ideas June 15, 2012 at 10:38 AM #

      I am honored to be nominated on behalf of Joe and his dumbass shenanigans.

  14. ribbie June 15, 2012 at 8:05 AM #

    Joe knows a thing or two about operant conditioning and I’m impressed, though soap bones…well, it’s just too literal. Might I suggest perfectly edible sweet and really sour doggie treats as a way to fly under the radar.

  15. mariastrate June 15, 2012 at 10:10 AM #

    As a dog trainer myself, this may not be such a shitty idea after all! Ha ha. I think Joe could just have a kiosk at the mall that sells Joe’s shit.

  16. Edward Hotspur June 15, 2012 at 5:30 PM #

    I’ve always wondered how a dog could be half Jack Russell http://www.google.com/search?tbm=isch&hl=en&source=hp&biw=1360&bih=628&q=jack+russell+great+white&gbv=2&oq=jack+russell+g&aq=0&aqi=g10&aql=1&gs_l=img.1.0.0l10.1273.6862.0.9371.16.15.1.0.0.0.621.2920.3j8j3j5-1.15.0.cish.1.0.0.o9fF8s77Nug-
    I mean, sure, he’s been called an animal before, but that’s just a figure of speech. I’m pretty sure, anyway.

  17. Lamberta June 15, 2012 at 6:36 PM #

    this is hilarious! :) I’m glad I’m following this blog. Keep it up!

  18. gingerfightback June 17, 2012 at 6:53 AM #

    I tried the soap test as an inquisitive five year old. Damn fine idea Joe has had there.

  19. myfoxmystere June 18, 2012 at 1:35 AM #

    Is anyone here PETA agent?

  20. Anonymous June 19, 2012 at 1:24 PM #

    Lol, my dog will eat anything- so I’m thinking dogs in general will just assume it’s a regular treat, vs. a “bad treat.” They may just stop eating treats all together when they blow out their o-rings from the soap overdose. But hey, maybe the poo won’t be as likely to stain if it’s been laced with a butt-load of soap? Totally kidding. I’m against dog soaping!

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