Joe is a pretty easy-going, mellow guy for the most part. It takes a lot to ruffle his feathers, and he doesn’t always stand up for himself when he’s getting picked on or taken advantage of. He’d much rather laugh it off.
But sometimes Joe has to get tough. It doesn’t always go to plan.
Once in 7th-grade gym class, Joe and his classmates were playing kickball. It was Joe’s turn to kick, and one of the other fuck-tard kids decided to “pants” him. Basically, he pulled Joe’s gym shorts to the ground, causing him to trip and land spread-eagle in his underwear across the gymnasium floor.
Where normally Joe would pick himself up, pull his pants up and carry on like a soldier, this time Joe was embarrassed beyond belief. This “pants-ing” had happened right in front of his middle-school crush.
Joe had wanted to ask this girl out for weeks, but … that’s just not how he rolled. [SPOILER: He rolled single and fucking awkward.]
Joe was boiling with rage, silently fuming until gym class was over. Tired of being Mr. Nice Guy, Joe began to plot. Yes, it was time to get tough.
In the locker room, Joe planned to slam the kid up against the lockers, saying a line he hand-crafted all himself: “I’m going to fuck you up so hard, your mom won’t even recognize you!”
All the boys headed into the locker room, and Joe put his plan into motion. He grabbed the kid, slammed him into the lockers and yelled with all the fury of a pubescent boy: “I’m going to fuck you so hard, not even your mom will recognize you!”
Everyone just stared…stunned.
And then, the chanting began. “Big Gay Joe! Big Gay Joe!”
Joe may not have earned the respect he wanted that day, but he did earn a new nickname that carried into high school.